A couple of things that are inevitable when planning a wedding: overflowing happiness, a case or two of Pinterest fatigue – and disagreements with your partner. Throw in a few spreadsheet sessions with wine or coffee (depending on your role) and that’s it. That, in summary, is wedding planning. The good news? You will still be overjoyed when you say “I know” no matter what it takes to get you there. But today we are talking about wedding planning battles because even if they inevitably happen, there are ways to deal with them.
Elizabeth Wellington is a psychotherapist and founder of Kinship cooperation. Through online courses, communities, and counseling, Elizabeth and her team are your emotional allies for the greatest changes in life. And as creative director at A good business Natalie Good had her fair share of soldier couples through disagreements on the way to the altar. In between the two, they have practical advice to help you work through the wedding planning arguments through to the big, drama-free day.
How to Prevent Wedding Drama Before It Happens
Before you wrap up your wedding reception, consider the personalities you are bringing together. Will the combination be consistently supportive or cause drama? Be honest with yourself about people’s strengths and limitations. – Natalie
Dealing with wedding planning arguments with family and in-laws
The wedding planning process is an emotionally charged time for the family. Sometimes feelings get hurt and you get stuck in the middle. I’ve had a lot of conversations with brides over the years (therapy sessions, lol) and the best part is to take a deep breath first. Weddings bring out the best – or the worst – in people. Your job is to keep your perspective on the situation. If a family member or future-in-law is causing the problem, take time to discuss the problem individually. Maybe they feel left out and really want to participate. Set healthy boundaries for you and your fiancé, but also give that person responsibility for a task. These people are your family (or soon will be) and it is important to your happiness as a couple that you find out through communication. – Natalie
Compromise with your fiancé
Wedding-related disagreements with your fiancé provides an invaluable opportunity to compromise. Conflict and tension persist even in the best marriages. That is completely normal and healthy. In this way you control the tension and resolve the conflicts with your partner that are important. It is critical that both partners feel heard and respected when resolving a dispute. And it’s just as important that each partner feel like the other has given a little rather than insistently, “My way or the Autobahn.” -Elizabeth
Avoid wedding planning fights by trying to understand
The first step to compromise is communicating with openness, honesty and lack of judgment. Give each partner time to speak openly about their feelings and motivations that are at the center of the difference of opinion. First and foremost, the “listening partner” must try to understand, not convince, argue or tell them that they are wrong. Feeling emotionally understood can temper even the most persistent wedding planning arguments. Your goal is to ensure that your partner feels fully understood when you accept their position. You don’t have to like your partner’s position, but you need to try to understand why it is important to your partner and accept your differences. Ask questions like, “What is important to you?” or “Why is this emotionally important to you?” -Elisabeth
Set the stage for negotiations
As soon as both partners take turns communicating and listening, negotiations can begin. Set the stage for the negotiation by being open to influence. To do this, both of you need to take a deep breath, relax your body and say to yourself, “I am open to being influenced by my partner. I will be open to change my position. I am open to making decisions for us and not for me. “-Elisabeth
Define Negotiables + Non-Negotiables
Next, each partner needs to define the issues that they will and will not negotiate. Start with your non-negotiable stuff. These are needs for the wedding (or process) that you absolutely cannot live without. Be realistic and try to keep your list short. Remember, being open to influence means thinking about what’s best for ‘us’, not just ‘me’. Next, define each of your negotiating items: the needs that each of you would like to live without. Your items to negotiate may include the specifics of your broader non-negotiable needs, such as: B. How, when and where your non-negotiable needs are met. -Elisabeth
Practice creative collaboration
The partners should listen to each other’s needs in order to work together and creatively. The goal is to satisfy as many non-negotiable partners as possible by using each partner’s negotiating stuff to get there. The mind should read, “Okay, how can we meet some of your non-negotiable needs? How can we meet some of me now? “-Elisabeth
Commit to understanding
When you and your fiancé are committed to understanding each other’s needs, serving, and working as a team, you should be willing to give a little by looking at the bigger picture. Your wedding (and your marriage) is a symbol of your commitment to the good of your partner. This process should reflect this. If there are areas of conflict that seem to be bogged down, you and your partner may not have completed the first step of nonjudgmental understanding and acceptance. You may have to come back to this piece over and over again and work to examine the emotional significance of this subject with the utmost sensitivity and compassion before negotiations can take place. “-Elisabeth
This is about fighting the good fight.
Photos 1 + 3 by Shari + Mike Photographers from this epic mountaintop wedding with a must-see video + first look
Photos 2 + 4 of Avonné photography of this posh home wedding inspiration transformed into real vows renewal